I Can't Get No Guest Satisfaction

Easily a whole book could be written about ricockulous customer complaints. On occasion, they may bear validity; after all, some employees have the customer service skills of an acanthamoeba, and even the best of us can let slip a moment of craven unprofessionalism. But far more often than not, the complaintant is someone who is just looking for an excuse to blow off some steam at the expense of a random stranger, preferrably one on the clock bound to a modicum of professionalism and, as such, is unable to retaliate. All too clearly are such incidents reflections of displaced aggression and anger in these people's personal lives that they otherwise have no outlet for. People seem to feel that doing business with a retail establishment somehow entitles them to abandon elementary ettiquette and behave on the level of a four year old.

The upside to this arbitrary paradigm is the sheer comic delight in the absurd pettiness of a lot of these complaints.



Yes, her T-shirt says "AARP Ba-Donk-A-Donk".

It is abysmal, nonetheless, when a guest wails and moans in spite of an employee's best attempts to placate them. Clearly, these are the bottom-feeders who are determined to generate an altercation.

What never fails to baffle me is the lengths some will go to to achieve resolution to the most miniscule of issues, exclusively out of principle and not practicality to any extent. Or moreso, when I try to make them contemplate, even momentarily, the sheer asaninity of their assertions, and they respond stone-facedly staid to their stance, refusing to let this register to any degree.

Occasionally, a guest will make dilligent demands for their issue to be resolved by an employee, when the root of their dilemma can be traced no further than to their own wanton abandon and carelessness.

"How can I help you help yourself?"

Team Member X